We have talked about this for so long. We have longed for this for so long. We have prayed for God's will in this area of our lives as we have known full-well, that in His timing, we would conceive and feel at complete peace with the new life we would embark on. For the past year, Mark has had this incredible, supreme faith that I just couldn't fathom. He had been ready for months to throw all caution to the wind, fully relying on God that he would provide for our every need. While it wasn't that I didn't also believe that to be true, I was the logical one...thinking insurance...thinking finances...thinking jobs. I just couldn't find a peace with it as early as he had. Then came May, 2011. Something clicked for me; if God has inspired us with this longing for a child, who am I to back away from the idea out of fear that we won't be provided for in the process? My God is bigger than insurance...bigger than finances...bigger than jobs. Mark and I have come through so much between military life, a layoff, Mark being a full time student, and in every scenario, by our logic, we could be in such a horrible situation...but God is good, God is faithful.
"Was it planned?" is what everyone keeps asking. In May, we had talked about not trying but not not trying either. We promised each other we weren't going to get our hopes up. We kept telling each other, "we aren't trying...remember?!" Inevitable, our hopes were up. I bought the early result tests and did lots and lots of googling. Then, we felt the let down of multiple big fat negatives. finally, I had decided to wait a few days...I would test again on Father's Day. Even though we weren't trying, my hopes were definitely up, on top of feeling like I had several of the symptoms. I took the test and winin a few seconds, looked at what is the saddest, single, lonely pink line I know of and I cried. I prayed and said, "God - I don't understand it, I'm sad about it, but I trust you and I know that your will is perfect." I gathered myself to go tell Mark the not-so-great news, got up and looked at the stick again and a faint second line had appreared! Then I began sobbing, ran upstairs, shook Mark awake, and he first looked at the "key" that tells you pregnant and not pregnant. When he realized what he was looking at he looked at me and said, "Well that's never happened before!!" We cried, we hugged, we kissed and we enjoyed the moment of knowing that our lives would be forever changed.
It's so much to take in. I still can't quite belive that our time is here. I still have a hard time with grasping it all and I know it hasn't fully sunk in yet.
Thankful. Blessed. Amazed. Loved. Favored. To realize the fact that we "tried without trying" for one month and conceived absolutely blows my mind. I prayed so long and hard that God would give us the desires of our heart; to raise up faithful, God-loving children. He did. In one month, He did. So many women in this world sturuggle and struggle to get pregnant, stay pregnant and some never get pregnant at all. I am SO thankful that God gave us no struggles in this area because I don't know that I could have bared it. I made a vow- not that I am naive in thinking that there won't be tough days in this, but for every woman out there who struggles to conceive, and never is blessed with this incredible experience - I will not complain. Through morning sickness all the way to contractions, I vow to do my very best to remain a positive attitude and enjoy every single moment of this.
God is good and He does bless those who call upon his name. As I think down the road of how this is all going to work out, I just remind myself that the God I serve is bigger and greater than any roadblock Satan can put in our path. God is our provider, our healer, our redeemer, our friend and our father and if I truly believe He is as big as I know He is, then I have to have the faith that backs that up.
Praise the Lord....we're having a baby!!!!
7 Weeks!!
